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Monday, September 11, 2017

The 2017 PHAT Championship


The grounds crews were up extra early making the course immaculate for the tournament.

The 4th annual PHAT finale was again hosted by the beautiful Troy Burne Golf Club over in Hudson, Wisconsin.  It is fitting that one of the premier courses in the Twin Cities metro area was  the stage for the inevitably premier play by all of the PHAT members, except for a couple of players with vowels and/or consonants in their name.

The practice green was a mass of PHAT players honing their putting games before the tournament

The first hole was strangely absent of galleries early on.  Later immense crowds would gather...

It was an absolutely perfect day with minimal clouds and light breezes to start the day.

The PHAT members took advantage of the calm early conditions.  By hitting the range.

Jim menacingly chased away the members of the fake-news media that were getting too close to the range.

 Jason wisely stretches those quads while Chad and CJ meditate simulateously

A lot of text book swings were on display.  There was an amazing lack of swing coaches and sports psychologists on the range.

An apparent sniper knocked Bill of balance. 

Il Padrino warms up with an amazing short game regiment

Soon enough, even the best of range-rats like every member of PHAT, have to take it to the course.  With a mighty lash of his Driver, Brad opened the first round of the championship.
Perfect alignment: check.  Perfect balance: check.  Perfect club line: check.  Typical.

Not to be outdone, Chad stripes another tour level drive onto the first fairway.

Jeff outwardly stands stoically while Chad putts on the 2nd.  Inside he was doing the Carlton across the green after a dirty, dirty birdie.

Jeff leaped out to an early lead with a birdie on the diabolical second.  He led wire to wire.  Normally you would think that would be good enough for the W, but not in the PHAT.  A trio of other contenders matched Jeff's clubhouse lead by all posting 73s.

 Jim tees it up on the tight 10th.

 CJ on the 12th.  This shot was stuck to 2 feet.  CJ may have posted the most impressive round of the morning with a string of 10 straight pars to close out his round.

For some PHAT members, the vulture circling the 18th green portended the outcome of their rounds.


After the first round was complete, it was the Tour leaders Bill and Jason on top of the leaderboard, Smooth swinging CJ, with his stunning string of pars also joined the leaders, as did dark horse Jeff, who led wire to wire.  This was a first ever tie during the PHAT tournament.  As the second 18 commenced, the crowds were able to witness a double treat.  Even more thrilling golf, as well as a sudden death playoff thrown in as a bonus.

In a controversial decision Jeff Hiel decided to play a seldom used cards buried deep in the bylaws of the PHAT rulebook, and make a substitution.   Leaders Bill, Jason, and CJ were joined by Jeff's doppelganger Ric Flair.

Ric was unable to withstand the blistering competition put forth by the other competitors, whose swings were so grooved by this 19th hole.

CJ's string of consecutive pars ended at 11 holes.  After a opening par he faltered on the tough second hole, scoring a bogey.

Despite mounting tough campaigns, no one could beset Jason Beeler.  His steady play on the first 2 holes meant he won the sudden-death playoff.  In doing so he not only won a handsome little purse, he also put a stranglehold on the year long race for the PHAT Championship.  With the title all but locked, we turned our focus to other players on tour.

There were other gripping stories up and down through the leader board (mostly down).  Like Kelly literally knocking his socks off, or pants up.  Whatever that saying is.  Last year Mr. Anlauf shocked the world by winning both rounds at Troy Burne and becoming the PHAT Champion.   

This year was not to be another repeat.  Plagued by having to witness the spasmodic drives of Kris, Kelly's game could not recover.
Pants on the ground 

Pants in the air. Rally Socks on.




Mike slapping around on his paint filled second 18.  An impressive 50/56 split led the field. 

Tensions mounted on the putting greens.  As the scores went up so did the pressure on all involved.  While the gentlemen of the PHAT would never resort to anything but the utmost propriety and respect to one another outwardly, it was apparent to all present that underlying undercurrents of vitriol were bubbling just under the surface.
Ryan stalks Chad like some kind of large calved jungle cat.  The secret service watches on in the distance.

While many of the early favorites in Vegas to rebound on the second 18 faltered on the back nine, one shining star made his move up the leader board.  Mr. Winterquist decided to buck the trend of constantly bogeying or worse.  His stellar even play of 38/38 found him atop the leaderboard in the waning minutes of light.

 Ryan hitting his lob wedge high into the gusting winds on 11.


Looking from atop the 13th tee; Chad, Chris, Ryan, and Todd all had a stunned look on their faces when they witnessed Kris actually make a par.  Either that or they saw a Sasquatch.

As the cheers echoes through the pines, in a very Augusta like atmosphere the sun began to set on the 2017 PHAT.


And onto the 18th....


It would all come down to the final hole of the final round.  Could Ryan hold onto his 7 stroke lead, or would something amazing happen?
 Kris hits one in tight to save par.  Sure he hit his drive 120 yards, but a par save here earned a smattering of applause from the wedding guests attentively watching the finish.


Chris uses his intimidating stare down technique to try rattle his playing companions.
 Chad hitting up to a mere kick in.

 Ryan putting the hex onto Chris' swing.

More dart throwing by Todd.

 As each foursome walked up the 18th to the green, a thundering smattering of applause could be heard, if you listened closely.
Looking like a young Marcello Mastroianni, Chad Meschke couldn't mount the run many prognosticators expected.

 Despite a late night putting clinic on the eve of the championship, Todd was unable to find the magic with the flatstick down the stretch of the last 36 holes.

The always hydrated Mr. Young lined up his final putt.

Despite not being in the last group, Ryan ran away with the second round title.  With a short chip, all he needed to do was not six putt.

To make matters interesting, Mr. Winterquist attempted to six putt to force a playoff.  He was unsuccessful in his bid when one of his increasingly short putts actually found the bottom of the cup.



An early favorite, Brad was last seen with his foot firmly on the accelerator of his cart heading over a ravine adjacent to the 18th hole.  There were rumors of a triple digit score being involved, however at press time this could not be confirmed.

 Chris attempts to bribe Ryan into retro-actively entering a few more aces onto his card.

 Nick Smith, with his even keel temperament was money on the greens.  A late surge was not enough to overcome some early missteps.

 The same early mistakes cost the mad bomber, aka Jim.  After several howitzer misfires on the 7th hole of the first round, Mr. Crowley's bid for a bounce-back second round fell short.  He did finish second behind Ryan for the round.

 CJ's mistake free stretch of holes solidly came to an end on the back nine of the second round.  Despite that silky smooth swing, trouble can find even the best of players on this course.

 One of the truly inspiring stories of the day, Bill tried to play golf without any arms.  But look at that on plane swing!

The tour leader for much of the year, Mr. Starken lost his grip on first place last week to Mr. Beeler.  Despite mounting a furious campaign on the day, his comeback fell short.

Beeler coasted into the 18th leaking a bit of oil but he gave the crowd what they came to see on the final hole, with an all too easy looking par.

 Bill attempts a new putting stroke he saw on YouTube

 Jeff attempts too late to simultaneously spear Jason with the flagstick and impale him with his putter.  His efforts failed thanks to Jason's supernatural reflexes.

 After the attempted culling on the 18th, CJ and Bill had to step in to separate Jeff and Jason

After the dust settled, and the scores were tabulated by the accounting firm of PricewaterhouseCoopers Jason Beeler was certified as the 2017 PHAT Champion.
Congratulations Mr. Beeler!

Until next time.  Hit em straight.  Or at least look like you're going to.


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