BREAKING NEWS
June 4, 2017-Dateline Prior Lake, MN
In a nail biting sudden death playoff that required 2 holes to conclude, original tour member Jim Crowley has shocked the world to become the first to win the PHAT major trifecta. What will forever, or at least this week, be known as the Crowley-slam was capped off by a double and triple bogey spectacle of mythic proportions.
Jim's competitor in the playoff was Nick Smith. He was flying high with a comfortable lead heading into the 17th hole. However, he hit some major turbulence on the penultimate hole, suffering a heart palpitating triple. While no television coverage was present on that particular hole, witnesses described the scene as "a bloodbath". Smith was able to right the ship coming home on the 18th with a net par and send the first major of the year into a playoff.
Nick Smith taps in for net par on the 18th. Despite the encouraging words from teammate (and uber Ohio State fan) Bill Starken, Nick failed to win it on the 18th.
With Nick's late struggle he failed to secure what would have set a different record- as the only person in history to win his second Legends title. With the tie, the tournament headed into a sudden-death 2-man playoff.
Nick was quick to run to the tee a slap a great drive out on to the 1st fairway. Jim followed up Nick's tee shot with a towering drive that grazed a passing Sun Country flight before landing to the right of the fairway.
Professional putting is all about focus; and three putting. Nick lines up his birdie attempt while Jim watches and says a silent hex against him.
After a couple of PHAT-level approaches and even PHAT-tier putting the hole was halved and the playoff progressed to the tough par 4 second hole.
Spectators lined nearly every inch around the 1st green, yet feigned indifference to the putting display being exhibited in front of them.
The level of PHAT tour sauce reached biblical proportions off the tee on the final playoff hole. Nick hit a blistering fade that just caught the severe slope running down the right side of the hole and bounded into the marsh.
Not to be outdone, Jim hit what could best be described as a Halsrud-esque tee ball that failed to clear much of anything and found an uncommon final resting spot.
While the tee shot was less than superb, Jim Crowley's form never fails to inspire.
After only a hand full of more shots that were too exceptional as to convey here accurately, the match finally proceeded near to, and eventually onto, the green!
Smith's green side bunker effort, while executed exceptionally, surprisingly failed to find the cup.
After only a few more swings of their putters, the victor was finally decided with Crowley besting a deflated Smith.
Chris Young was heard whispering "Welcome back to the club, Mr. Crowley"
After being evicted from the Butler's cabin (in the background of the photo above) for lascivious behavior, the time honored ceremony of donning the Mauve Jacket was moved to just off the 2nd green. The tradition was performed by the 2017 inaugural event tour winner Chris Young, whose legs were either blushing or severely sunburned.
Triumphantly raising the coveted flag, Mr. Crowley looks heavenwards with tears welling in his eyes
It has been a rough couple of years for Jim Crowley. After exploding out of the gate in 2014 with 2 major wins, he went on a Craig Perks like slump. After surviving such a formidable challenger in Smith, Jim was at a loss for words after the round. He only briefly spoke to the press, issuing a short cryptic message of: "I gotta go!" before running to his courtesy car. He was last seen driving on 185th Street erratically swerving and changing into a disguise that resembled a baseball uniform.
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